ugly. fat. alone.

this is my solemn vow to never wear a shirt again once i reach GW

my current weight is 123 pounds.

i want to be down to 117 at the most by the 18th of may, for my prom.

i want to be down to 112 at the most by the end of the month. i’m going to work out EVERY DAY except for fridays now that the show is over and i have time to breathe again.

i’m going to keep under 500 calories EVERY DAY except for sundays, and on sundays i’m going to have a big beautiful breakfast and not give a damn how many calories are in it, as long as it’s nutritious.

i’m going to make room in my calorie intake for milk every day

i’m not going to fuck this up because i literally do not have the energy to work so hard without reaching my goal anymore

i used to get worried when i saw girls in my grade losing weight. especially when they’re already thin, or i know they’re not eating. now, i don’t worry anymore. i just hate them because it’s working for them.
when they don’t eat, their collarbones start to peek through their skin a little more, and their arms look especially nice against their tank top. i don’t eat, and i stay exactly the same. i’m sick of feeling like i’m lazy and weak when i’m trying so hard.

i guess my logic is well, i don’t lose weight when i don’t eat. so why shouldn’t i just eat.
but my hungry brain doesn’t understand that worse than just not losing is gaining. so i just keep gaining. 1000 calories a day and i’m gaining.
back to just not eating.